1. I haven’t slept in a few days. My mother thinks I’ve been drinking too much coffee but I think maybe it’s just that I really really miss rolling over in bed and finding myself pressed up against you.
2. Places that stay open 24 hours are comforting because I know that when I wake up screaming at 3 in the morning I’ll have somewhere to go when staying in bed doesn’t feel okay anymore but you always passed out by 11 and you slept through the night.
3. My sixth grade science teacher taught me that your body automatically knows to pull away when you touch something that hurts you, you’ve made me cry at least 6 times this week and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve found myself shaking and dripping blood because you forgot to tell me you love me and god it hurts so fucking much but I can’t pull away.
4. One time when I was younger my parents took me to the beach and I swam out a little too far and let the ocean choke on me and my dad screamed and yanked me out of the water. I think I’m drowning again but there is no one here to pull me out. I just need someone to fucking pull me out.
5. I’m not sure why I keep telling everyone I’m okay. I’m not okay. And sometimes when someone asks how I am I want to tell them that my heart is broken, and that’s okay you know, I can deal with a broken heart, but the pieces have been shifting and I’ve got these really sharp edges in my veins and my lungs and my stomach and I think I’m being torn apart, I’m not really sure. I can’t really breathe and I’m a little bit dizzy.
6. I think I should stop writing you letters. It’s not fair to kill trees just because you’re killing me.
7. I fell for you. Like really fell for you. Like I saw you smile and I swear to god I crashed down to earth and broke all my bones. How come when astroids fall to earth they leave craters in the ground and kill out the dinosaurs but when I do it I just end up in bed for days watching The Notebook and crying till I’m numb.
8. I thought getting high would get you off my mind but I spent a few hours standing in the middle of the street wishing you would kiss me. or that a car would hit me.